Dear whoever….

I try to tell myself that I am like everyone else…I tell myself that I can change, not for her, or him…

Or them

But for me

I want to believe that, but I know its all a lie. Am I really willing to change who I am for myself?

Yes I would say I am, mainly because I HATE the BITCH I’ve become…or I am becoming…

There is so much this heart of mine wants to say…so many things I would like to let loose

But that seems almost impossible…

Imagine what the people around me would say…

“you’re fine, don’t say that….you know its not true…come one stop thinking like that”

They would say it over, and over, and over again…until I push a fake hurtful smile…through my drying lips…

And say “I know, I didn’t mean it”

And guess what…life goes on

So she meets this guy, who; for the first time is so different from the rest

She smiles and he smiles and they both smile…it’s the perfect fairytale…

Until she sees herself and that fairytale becomes forgotten…

“who would want me?” she says…in tears looking at the wall, as her shadow slowly deforms in front of her.

Let me tell the world I want to become something big…I want to write music for the world, the hurt, the happy, the broken hearted..all of them

Let me tell the world I want to make a movie about the things I’ve heard, seen…been involved in…learned…

Let me tell the world I want to be able to talk to those with issues, look inside them and not try and understand them because of the image they portray…

Tell the world I want to write a book about my life...her life…our lives…

Tell the world I can be something…not this monster…who cuts herself to feel pain just to know she’s alive…not this creature that cant be seen walking with “humans” not this freak that cant smile because she’s sad…not this disgusting girl who cant even….who cant even find the word to describe how she feels…..

So what did I do….i did what I’m good at doing…nothing…

So “whoever” would like to know why I hate me…??

Funny you should ask…I don’t know….nobody does…

NO ONE EVER WILL

19/04/08